"it" just moved
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
