I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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