first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
