I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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