dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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