I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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