I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
