my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
