sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize