Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
