Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Boobs speak an international language.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
