i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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