I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
