i love accidental penises.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
