I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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