I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
