Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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