you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My penis needs a shock collar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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