Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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