College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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