I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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