My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
