no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
