well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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