I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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