a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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