i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
