im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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