Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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