So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
