I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
