Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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