Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
