How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
