His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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