Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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