I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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