drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize