Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
