i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
