he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
