Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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