I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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