We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
