I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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