um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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