Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
