I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize