I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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