I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
