bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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