My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
