Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
