Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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