That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
