Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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