the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
